


Stale Breakfast

by graspthesanity



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Death and religion, M/M, Suicide and religion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 14:16:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20193625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graspthesanity/pseuds/graspthesanity
Summary: With Roxas gone, Axel has no one to turn to after all these years. Everything is superficial.





	Stale Breakfast

It's not that it been days, it's not that it's been a couple of months, they've all spread like a bad hand at cards, it's been into years. 

I look at him from afar, not sure why he decided to call up everyone, as if their eyes won't be filled with guilt that no one had seen it coming when we all did, with his declining health and desire to not suffer anymore. It's always tormenting to Ventus, who was his twin brother. I don't understand what's going on with Sora's mind. I flick the lighter on and off a few times before I head into the church, there is no memorial. There barely was anything because me and Sora had to fight the priest on the basis that suicidal people don't get into the church, for breaking the word of God. 

I nearly walked over the brunette, as he seemed to be just as lost, trying to understand his own plan. I don't think any brother wanted his younger one to be deceased. Roxas was the last twin to be born. It was cruel and stupid of me to not believe in God now, because Roxas thought he was gonna go somewhere else and he had found God in the last seconds of his life. Maybe that's the only solace I should've held within me. But it wasn't enough. Watching Roxas die so slowly, I knew that he never really felt the same way, I didn't do anything. Sure, I went back home and I had gone to the hospital with certain burns on my hands and cuts, but I could never muster the courage to go beyond the veil like Roxas had. 

“Axel.” Sora said suddenly, as we had been staring at each other, there was no solace to be found. 

My best friend and someone I loved dearly had been gone for years now and his brother was in front of me, with the same sea coloured eyes and now it started to piss down outside. He called me inside the church, since we were still on our way to the restaurant where we were all supposed to meet up. 

Sora walked in first and I couldn't help but notice how we had all aged and how now we both held different memories, different kaleidoscopes of life without Roxas, something we never even had nightmares of. 

We walked silently around city, Sora slowly talking about Kairi all of a sudden and I let myself listen, about how we should all settle, how there was something to be found. That's when he took both of my hands, right behind the fish market and looked at me dead in the eyes. 

“Roxas, he would've wanted you to make sense of your life now... Since we all know he found God in those last moments... You should, Lea.” I shuddered at the mention of my old name. I barely used it and Sora just squeezed my hands harder, as we were getting drenched more and more by the rain. 

I didn't even let Roxas use it, but I wasn't listening to Sora's mumbo jumbo about Kairi, so he knew how to get under my skin. 

I remembered all the bad movies which Roxas watched with me, both of us varying since Roxas knew that I was into men, but it was a secret that had died with him. I chose the solo life, not allowing anyone to approach me, sometimes refreshing a faceless Grindr to never choose anyone. Roxas left with no suicide note in my arms, babbling nonsense, which I still couldn't make out. Dazed out by all the medication I had in the house, hands slashed, stomach and screaming as I knew the ambulance wouldn't make it in time. 

Sora and the others asked me plenty, plenty times how I did not notice, along with everyone else from a legal standpoint. 

And Roxas had left with a shudder, saying how I was cold, when I've always been burning. 

I cried, as we walked into the fish market for rain refuge and Sora held me in his arms. 

Sora was strong. 

Sora could afford himself to kiss a coward to console one and he did, because he'd be the closest I'd ever get to Roxas. 

I pushed him away, but he just nodded, leaving me in the market and I didn't show up to the beginning of the remembrance, instead I prayed again in the church. I didn't pray against Sora or against my homosexuality, instead my mind wasn't filtering all the stale breakfast I had eaten at the station, all of the photography I had taken with my shaking hands. 

I didn't understand why Sora had kissed me, but then if we all had a bit of someone else inside us... Would have that made more sense? I showed up at the very end and no one blamed me, instead a preganant Kairi sat with Riku and I wondered about how Sora had commited adultery, but instead he was in a conversation with Aqua. 

I waited until he went to the bathroom, I waited until we were both alone and I pulled him into a stall with me and I cried in his arms, raising his jacket, his shirt as he kissed the salt off my cheeks and I could only see

Blonde

Blonde

Blonde

Sea blue. 

The discarded wooden sticks with the word winner on them, only to win nothing. 

I grasped and pulled Sora's neck back, exposing it to leave rather red marks on it. Sora didn't care, he was just like a rag and he would've kept talking, but it seemed that nothing was stopping his willingness and my own. 

He cummed on my hand and I followed suit into his ass and we looked at each other from each side of the disabled cubicle. 

Solace. Solitude. We've all stargazed alone, thinking of the deceased who have parted way too early to find another reason beyond the grave. And we let them be. Now it was Sora's turn to cry as I held Roxas's brother, wondering how long it would've taken us both to hold hands and go underwater, like lovers, under waves of a turmoil sea to meet a explanation beyond us, 

“God, I see him”.

“It's cold, Axel.”

And he had died.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote a rather depressed poem, as I was really drained and then the story came to life after I let something brew in my head for a while and came back from an actually good holiday. 
> 
> I've been toying with a bunch of different pairings and I want to keep doing that. 
> 
> I'm sorry for the heaviness and I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
